Remote Madness

The worst thing on earth that can happen to a TV junkie happened to me yesterday. The remote controls went walk-about and didn’t return. Here’s how this thrilling story unfolded.

Every night when I switch off my beloved TV I put the remote controls on either the arm of my chair, the top of a set of cane drawers or in their rightful place in the top drawer of said cane drawers. Night before last it was the arm of my chair. Now we have several remotes of importance. Most important is the DVD remote as that also operates the TV, second is the set-top box/PVR remote and lastly the TV remote. ALL 3 went missing at once.

The children always wake before me and have been trained to quietly turn on the TV and sit quietly and watch. To wake mum before time is to die a slow horrible death, they learnt very quickly. The children are starting to argue over nothing and from what I can gather some form of disagreement broke out over the remotes.

The children went off to school as per normal and I settled into the daily grind at home with Cooper. As per usual once Cooper was napping I went to turn on the TV so I could watch some rubbish recorded from the nights before.

HORRORS – I had no remotes.

I searched the house high and low, I searched toy boxes, I searched the kitchen, lounge, my bed, the kids beds, the laundry, everywhere all to no avail. I called David at work several times to quiz him on their whereabouts. He asked had I looked here?, there?, everywhere? By this stage I was getting withdrawals and was quite frantic. It was obvious that the children had lost them (as they often do). I decided that I would pull them out of school to come home and find my remotes. David forbade me. So instead as soon as I heard the siren for recess (the upside of living across the road from the school) I ran over and found someone in Broden's class, got them to find him. He informed me that “Tyler was the last to have them.” I then phoned the Kindy (on another matter of course) and asked the teacher to ask Ty what he had done with them. “Broden was the last to have them” was his reply. Grrrrrrrrrrr

I don’t think I have conveyed quite how desperate and frustrated and angry and frustrated I was to not be able to operate my TV. I had crap to watch, what else would I do, it not as if there were any housework or washing or ironing that needed doing.

The children came home from school and I put them straight to work but no amount of yelling could make them find the unfindable.

David came home from work and said “I got you some flowers”, in my wonderful mood I growled “why’d you get flowers for” as I turned around to see him standing with a 6 pack of bourbon & cola. Oh that man deserves a medal or perhaps something a little more interesting………

He then starts his search of the house and comes up empty handed. I am close to tears now, nearly 12 hours and my remotes are still lost. Then just as all seemed hopeless my hubby picks up a jacket belonging to the middle child to put it in the wash and bingo, out tumble all 3 remote controls safe and well and no worse for their horrible ordeal.

A wonderful evening of junky TV viewing was greatly enjoyed last night and the children have been banned from touching the remote controls for the rest of their lives.

A Breastfeeding Story - You were warned!

We have been teaching Cooper, my baby about hot things and how you blow on hot food to cool it down. I am never too sure how much is being picked up as kids never seem to let on if they got the message or not.

Here’s the bit where if you don’t want to hear about breastfeeding then it is time to look away…….

I was giving Cooper his only breastfeed of the day – right before bed time. He was happily feeding away as he does – loves his boob this boy. All of a sudden he pulled away and the cheeky little devil starts blowing on my nipple. It is so cute the way babies blow with their mouth half open, lots of spittle everywhere. He then looks up to me with a grin that said I know it isn’t hot but I’m funny aren’t I mum? Of course he was so he tried it again and again and again coz the joke never gets old when you are only 15 months old.

Gobsmacked

I want to recount a short conversation I just had with my 4 year old. We were in the car just Tyler, Cooper and myself, we were coming home from getting a few groceries. All very ordinary stuff.

Ty: "Mum?"
Me: "Yes, Ty?"

Riveting stuff hey?

Ty: "Have you ever made love in the back seat of a car?"

Now had I been eating I would have choked, as it was I nearly drove off the road and hit some old duck on a bike!

At first my mouth just fell open, I thought perhaps I had heard wrong so I asked for a repeat.

Ty: "Have you ever made love in the back seat of a car?"

Nope heard it right the first time, it didnt get better the second time either. By this time I was nearly wetting myself silently laughing, I had tears streaming down my face and I'm sure I was shaking so hard that the car could have moved by itself.

Me: "um, where did you heard that sweetheart?"

Ty: "Oh it is in my second favourite song. My favourite song is Max, max, max dont have sex with your ex"

Now I am delirious with mirth, this is too much too bear, I had to blog.

This will teach my husband for giving the children old 80's and 90's CDs to listen too!